Uc admission essay proofread

Please describe how you have prepared for your intended major, including your readiness to succeed in your upper-division courses once you enroll at the university.

My interest in business and entrepreneurship started at the age of 9 when I helped our neighbor deliver groceries from her stall to local customers. Over time, I have learned about economics, and my ambition is to pursue a career where I can improve people’s living standards and material conditions. Majoring in Business and Economics at the University of California will be a significant step toward realizing my goal; having closely reviewed the curriculum, I feel confident that the department is ideal for my studies.

To prepare for this major and to succeed in upper-division courses, I have sought opportunities to hone my entrepreneurial skills. For instance, as the fund-raising chairperson for my high school’s prom, I developed strong negotiation and persuasion skillsgive concrete results here, eg. Reducing costs by 20%, collaborated with x number of ppl, negotiated for a cheaper venue etc. Moreover, running for an officer position in the Indonesian Student Association improved my leadership abilities such as when we did x event with x attendees, give evidence. The three-month campaign involved garnering support, fund-raising, and engaging in lively debates. Currently, I serve as Treasurer of my school’s Business Information Technology Club and also a member of the UNICEF Club, opportunities that have helped me prepare personally and academically for university-level work.

I have continued to develop my skills during the COVID-19-related quarantine. I identified a market gap in my hometown, and started a successful oat drinks business, “We Got Oats.” This experience has broadened my business acumen and cemented my interest in the field. In addition, working for a fabric company—sometimes up to seven hours per day—has been an exercise in discipline and resilience. I have learned to balance and prioritize my work tasks, which will support my success at university.

Ultimately, I seek to become a socially minded entrepreneur who gives back to the community. To this end, I proudly volunteered to distribute free masks in the street during the pandemic. Doing my part to promote public health has helped heighten my social consciousness and commitment, which will help me excel.

Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?

Many people believe that our most challenging experiences shape our personalities, but I firmly believe that the way we respond to hardships matters as much as their experiences. Maybe link it to the 2008 crisis instead of three years ago? Will make it more believable & also you can add it as a reason for your interest in business degree. Three years ago, my father’s business—our family’s sole source of income—experienced bankruptcy after a rapid drop in profit margins. A serious financial crisis struck my family, and our economic situation rapidly deteriorated. This is a pretty good idea, but make it more dramatic.

Prior to the bankruptcy, we lived a financially secure life, and my father had secured my academic future by saving up funds for my entire college education. However, when he lost the business, the savings all had to flow to my older sister’s education as she was already enrolled in university. You can say your college fund was used to revive your dad’s business This caused me to lose all hope of a college education. This feeling of despair also compounded the self-esteem challenges I was already experiencing owing to a serious skin condition that impacts my face and led me to face bullying. As my self-confidence plummeted, so did my academic performance. Idk but from what I hear, us college system really appreciate mental health type of stories, If you want to add about despair maybe add something about experiencing depression

However, through a period of intense introspection maybe add about how the business gradually gets better,  like : the business gradually recovered with my parents’ sweat and tears, and with it, my hopes in a better future. Having gone through such an intense experience at the tender age of 17 solidified my drive for success yadda yadda, I interrogated my weaknesses and decided to worry less about what people said and thought about my family and my appearance. I embraced available resources to support my emotional growth, including the school counseling services. I untied my self-confidence from others’ approval and renewed my passion and determination for education. Moreover, I have allowed the bankruptcy to give positive direction to my trajectory, by opting to become a business major. This process taught me that life entails both positive and negative experiences, and that even challenges usually last only a short time. I continue to promote my academic achievement by boosting my self-image and self-worth and reducing self-destructive thoughts.